I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
