Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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