he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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