How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
