I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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