Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
