No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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