I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
