i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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