oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
