After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
