maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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