What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
