didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
