He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
