i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
