i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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