Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
