yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
