Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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