He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
