so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
