Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wanna passion pit in your ass
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
