had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
