the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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