everyone is single if you try hard enough
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
