i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
