sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
