weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Randomize