ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
