quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
