I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
