So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
