Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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