my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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