I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Your penis caused this!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
