Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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