I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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