Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
