I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
