He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
