i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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