someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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