After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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