:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
