don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
