Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
