let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
