I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
