jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
