i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
