Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
